Oh...my sisters :D

Day 09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most.


I chose TWO persons.  These young ladies have been by my side for most of my life and have lived through most of what I have lived through on the home front -- and probably had it worse because I left earlier than them.  I'm not saying home life was bad...I'm just saying that is where most of the "times you need to get through" happen.  


I love Miranda and Aubrey so much! They are each so different and unique and have turned out to be exceptional women! I can't wait to continue to see them grow and mature and do amazing things with their lives.  


So there you have it:

Inspiration

I'm a bit behind on the times as I have never seen this video and it obviously has had many views.  Today I'm glad I saw it as it has put me in a good mood.  I hope it does the same for you.  A hospital in Oregon did the "Pink Glove Dance" video to promote breast cancer awareness.





The video brought people together to let breast cancer patients know that they are no alone!

I love it.

I'm going to be doing the Susan G Komen Breast Cancer 3 Day again next year (2012) in San Diego. Go HERE to see my personal page!

I hope you all are having an amazing Labor Day. Love to all of you. I miss you guys!

To those not looking...

I am just sitting here - - it is way past the time I should be awake but I felt inspired to write tonight. Something I haven't really felt in a long while (again...I know I apologize every time I write now - but sorry for the absence).

There are folks in my life who probably have no idea they are a significant part of my life.  They probably don't even know that I classify them as "in my life" however they are definitely there. Some of the folks may not even know who I am.  I follow them from afar - I learn from them by studying their demeanor and how they react to certain situations.  I love listening to them speak on random topics from any genre.  I just yearn to gain any and all of the knowledge I can from them.

Right now I just want to take a second to pause in the blog world and thank those folks in our lives - even if they don't realize they are being thanked (just send good karma out their way) for being that bit of inspiration in a sometime dreary world.  I love each and every one of you and I'm sorry some of you have no idea.

You're special...

Have you ever heard a song and became completely entwined in it? A song that shakes you to the core by how true it resonates in your soul?

This came up out of the blue - but I literally feel this song when it comes on my Zune. It gives me the chills each and every time I hear it. I know who it is about for me. I am perfectly content in the life I have currently and I am absolutely in love with S -- however, memories are strong in me and I admit - I miss him and the connection we once had.



P.S. I love you Adele. You rock so hard.

God.

My friend got a little message left on his windshield tonight...I will share that photo with you.

1. My friend is gay.
2. He is an AMAZING guy.
3. God definitely DOES NOT hate him.

I don't understand what the person had going through their mind when they placed this on his window. Did they feel they were "saving his soul"? That he would "turn to God"? I truly believe (and have some good biblical reasoning) that God ...does not "hate" his own creations. I also believe that intentions are clear when words like this are used - you are not saving anyone - converting anyone - etc. You are creating hostility and hatred and spreading it further and further in our world.

It blows my mind. Do they know what they are conveying about Christians? Do they fully comprehend the hate message they are sending? Has there not been enough news stories lately about "bullying" and the effects it has on our world? Luckily, my friend is strong and grown up and not necessarily "immune" to this crap - but at least he can take it. What about our kids? What are you placing in their minds? That if they happen to be different - God hates them? Or on the other side - it is OK to bully and threaten others if you think what they do is wrong? We need to grow up.

That's all I have. I'm not very elegant with words - and this post doesn't nearly show my frustration...but I just wanted to put it out there. I think what I want to say can be found in the doctrine of the Community of Christ church in section 162 which was given in 2004:

"6a. From the earliest days you have been given a sacred principle that declares the inestimable worth of all persons. Do not forget.

b. The One who created all humankind grieves at the shameful divisions within the human family. A prophetic people must work tirelessly to tear down walls of separation and to build bridges of understanding.

c. You hold precious lives in your hands. Be gentle and gracious with one another. A community is no stronger than the weakest within it. Even as the One you follow reached out to those who were rejected and marginalized, so must the community that bears his name."

Chilling...

I love Easton Corbin.

1. I think he is SO freaking cute.
2. His voice rocks.

This video brings me chills and I love the song. So I thought I'd share it with you all.

Day 07 - A picture that shows your true self.

My true self?  Well, I love a lot and I love hugs. I love letting people know I'm thinking of them and that I would be there to give them a hug if I could when they need one. So I chose this little cartoon that I absolutely ADORE.

P.S. There are a lot of pictures I could have used for this "day" but I decided to settle on one. Hope you feel my hugs going out to each of you, my fellow bloggers!

Day 27: Picture of your family

So yes - I have been studying tonight and between each page I have been trying to catch up on some of YOUR blogs. I have missed you all :*)

Anyway, Day 27 seems easy enough so here goes:

@ Thanksgiving 2010 in Texas (I grew up in Kansas but my parents moved to Texas when I was in college) - we all took the "awkward" family photos. I enjoyed it though - this is my mom and dad and 2 little sisters :) 

My "family" out here in Arizona. The boyfriend and the pup. This was taken in November on Day 3 of the "Breast Cancer 3 Day" 60 mile walk. The two of them came out to a "cheering station" to cheer me on and I got to give Jasper his 3 day t-shirt (he hates it haha...I don't blame him...naked is always best!)

Anyway, I have worked 60 hours so far this week and am going in tomorrow as well for at least 6 hours. :S I have not studied sufficiently for the section of the CPA exam I take NEXT SUNDAY so that sucks...but I will try to make up for it by last minute cramming (what I did and perfected in college). We will see...i'm not feeling very optimistic about it but I also can't push it back. Another 200ish down the drain *sigh*

Anyway, I try to read your posts throughout the day - I just don't comment on them all. Just wanted you all to know.  Little Silk Dress - I know you gave me an award. I will try to get to that ASAP. Thank you for passing it along...just a busy time for me right now :)

I know I'm just making a big deal out of it...

But in a short half hour or so (give or take), I will officially be in my "late 20's" and I don't know how I feel about that.  I feel I'm starting to lose that spark.  I felt so in tune during my teenage years.  Then I hit 20's and started making decisions that were not so much in line with who i THOUGHT I was.  I walked different "lines" and while they didn't make me happy all of the time - they sure didn't make me too crazy I suppose.

In my early 20's, I changed a lot. Into a person I hardly knew. I tested my beliefs.  I tested my relationships.  I tested my status (in a way). I 'grew up' more in those five years than I did the whole first two decades of my life!  Who I grew up to be was no where near the person I had planned to be.  Did that happen to others?

What does the "late" 20's have in store for me?

I think all in all - I turned out to be a fairly decent person :-) I thank my family and friends and all of my "blog friends" for being here for me. You all make me who I am today.  I may not be the most interesting person - but I do feel loved and incomprehensibly blessed by all that I have in my life! I could not ask for more.

Today I was supposed to write about how I think others view me. (Day 26: How do you think others view you?)   Well, I don't know if that is at ALL possible to write about.  Better just stick with what I know. How I HOPE others view me.

• I hope others view me as:
• Caring
• Loving
• Open
• Selfless
• Smart

I hope others see that I try. I try to live and do as much as I can for everyone around me - it sometimes doesn't work out - but I try.  

I hope others feel that I am here for them.  It doesn't matter what time day or not - I will work it out so I can listen to them.  I hope they realize I don't have all of the answers (in fact I hardly have any answers), but I wish will all of my body and soul that I did so I could help them.

I suppose that's it. I know there is a lot more I hope people see in me, but I'll just leave it at this.  It is now OFFICIALLY my birthday in Arizona. Goodnight good friends.


OH YES - and I had to share this with you all. Rock Chalk!

Take freely.

The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread.  -- Mother Teresa

Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence. --Eric Fromm

My one wish for my life is that those around me feel loved and cared for - if I don't accomplish this, I will feel as though I have failed my brothers and sisters who walk next to me in this life. Sure - I get a bit testy on certain days (I am human)...but I hope that never changes the way people feel I think about them. I truly do think us humans should live to love each other and exist together peacefully - working towards a Zion on Earth :-) What an amazing concept.


Anyway - just had that thought and wanted to share.

Oh Jasper :-)

Day 22: Talk about the cuteness of your pet
I have come to figure out that there is one thing that is guaranteed each day. I will smile at least once.  That was not always the case.  Before I had Jasper, I'm sure there were days when the smile just wouldn't be seen on my face.  Jasper makes me smile - just because he is cute. No one - human or animal - has ever been able to do that for me until him!

I got Jasper a few weeks after my apartment was robbed at gunpoint.  Yes. I KNOW that a puggle about 8 weeks old was not going to protect me, but it still made me feel better to have something else that was living in my apartment.

Here is a video Sherwey took of Jasper on the first day we had him.  I wish we had taken more videos.  At least now I know that when I have a kid I have to be non-stop taking photos and video so I can look back on our early times! :-) (Take note Ryan - pictures and videos...nonstop when the little one gets here!)

Gosh, I love my little man.  This is a picture of him on the way home after I picked him up!

He does some of the strangest things that equate to him being EVEN cuter :) I have posted this before - but I'm going to post it again. Here is a video of a game he likes to play - I call it "Hungry Hungry Hippo":

He makes me a proud mama too because he is so smart! Here he is after graduating puppy training class.

So - to sum it all up. Jasper is my best friend and he takes good care of his mama. He never fails to make me feel loved when I wake up in the morning and when I come home from work. Even when I just have to study and he has to entertain himself.  :-) 

I told Jasp that I was writing about him in my blog - so he wanted to say "HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY" to all of my blog friends, since he probably won't be getting on to say it later on in the month! 

I don't know...

Today I am supposed to tell you about my "first love". I know who it is - but not quite sure what to write about it or him.

It was high school of course and I already knew I was going to be going away to college so it probably wouldn't work out. I remember driving home from his house one night coming up with the ultimate plan that would allow us to stay together. He was older than me and didn't go to college - he entered the work force right out of high school. He worked for a company where he could transfer up to a town close to my college town. I didn't know if I should ask him if he'd consider it. I was head over heels in love with him. However, I was young and not as mature as I claimed to be and one day I was hanging out with a friend from church and the guy ended up kissing me and I didn't stop it. I was to say the least very confused about the whole situation but decided that I loved "first love" enough to not say anything and to stop hanging out with the other guy friend. I then went about my life living happily ever after with my first love. Come to find out they had a mutual friend (small town) and she found out about me and "other guy" kissing and told "first love" who had been cheated on before and was not going to put up with that crap. He wouldn't even look at me after that. I remember once I sat in his pick up and PLEADED that he give me another chance and that I loved him more than anything and the other guy incident was an accident that would never happen again.

Of course looking back it obviously was petty and "first love" obviously wasn't my "true love" as you always believe at the time. He is still living in the same house (which was his parents house back when we were dating...not sure if his dad still lives there or not) and he has married another girl from the area. According to my facebook stalking - he seems content. I am content too - knowing that he was my first love but not my true love and that he will always hold a special place in my heart because I always wanted amazingness for him. But I do now know that I doubt there'd be any way we would have stayed together.

I could even venture to say that my current love is my "first TRUE love". He is amazing and loves me for the crazy person we both know I am. He takes care of me and Jasper and I have no doubt in my mind that we could live together forever in this love that we have. I am excited about the future with him and this is nothing like the childish feeling I had with my "first love" - this is definitely my "first true love" and it is beautiful.

That's all. Said more than I thought I would...hopefully it made sense. Quick change the subject now!

Love all of my readers. Just to give some shout outs to a couple of my "blog loves":

Ryan: Duke fan, but I forgive him because he is a pretty awesome guy. I hope to visit him and the wife sometime soon in New York!

Little Silk Dress: Does not like the idea of having a recliner in a motel room. I still think she needs to sit in it for a picture op for her blog!

Every time I read this I get chills...so I thought I'd share :)

Never Say it is not God - Hafiz

I taste what you taste. I know the kind of lyrics
your Soul most likes. I know which sounds will become
Resplendent in your mind and bring such pleasure
Your feet will jump and whirl.

When anything touches or enters your body
Never say it is not God, for He is
Just trying to get close.

I have no use for divine patience -- my lips are always
Burning and everywhere. I am running from every corner
Of this world and sky wanting to kiss you;

I am every particle of dust and wheat -- you and I
Are ground from His Own Body. I am rioting at your door;
I am spinning in midair like golden falling leaves
Trying to win your glance.

I am sweetly rolling against your walls and your shores

All night, even though you are asleep. I am singing from
The mouths of animals and birds honoring our
Beloved's promise and need: to let
you know the Truth.


My dear, when anything touches or enters your body
Never say it is not God, for He and I are
Just trying to get close to you.

God and I are rushing
From every corner of existence, needing to say,
"We are yours."

Posts from the past....

So many years ago, I used to have a xanga. I still have it apparently and every 3 or so months something triggers me to wonder if I wrote about the happenings of my life at such and such time so I go to my xanga and see. I found this post just tonight and I remember every word of it and the feeling I put into it. I'm not a great writer...but I remember what this blog actually "felt".

"I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long.
If we're in each others dreams, we can be together all the time."

So Calvin and Hobbs is DEEP shit man. This quote -- has been eating away at me lately. It's how I feel...it's how I think...it's me in a quote. You know how happy you make me? Probably not...but you do know a little because I know I've told you more than I should. I tend to crack little holes from the wall around my heart to let things sneak through...while the wall is still there -- the holes allow you to see it without necessarily giving it to you.

    I only spoke the truth to you because I wanted you to know -- I have no reason to hide it.

"Love like you've never been hurt..."

Umm...YEA RIGHT. I want people to quit using this quote and actually TELL ME how to do it. Is there a secret? Will you teach me the secret handshake to get into the club?


I am writing this down because I remember it....

"...because the more you hold onto...the more you will have to let go eventually."
Have I mentioned how f'ed up the truth is lately? GARR.  When this came out of my mouth last night it was shocking how much it hurt. I love him but have to let him go.       

Passion

Lately I have been thinking a lot about "passion". What are my passions? Can a person have too many or too little passions? What if you go through life never realizing what your true passions are?

I have found myself stumbling from one activity to another - loving the learning and experiences I gather from each however, not truly finding a passion in any of it. I feel a lot of times, the activities I engage in are out of responsibility and duty. Whether it be the duty I have in my profession to network and expand my contacts to help grow the Company to the duty I have to staying in touch with friends and family and making sure they know how life is going and meeting up with them every now and then. Don't get me wrong - I love doing most of the things I do...it just seems like I lack something in it all.

Recently I have started a list in my head of the major events that have happened over the course of my life. This is a process one of my life mentors has challenged me to do. Obviously, birth is the first event (even though I can't remember it). It sparked every other occurrence in my life. As I went along, the things that started sticking out the most have been my experiences away. The times that molded me the most from junior high and high school were at church camp in New Mexico. I remember waiting all year long for that ONE week a year where I got to see these folks that were so important to the development in my life. Whether it be friends who lived in cities that were not close to me so we only got to see each other this one time a year - to the teachers and counselors who probably still to this day don't realize how much I looked up to them and watched them so closely and tried to mimic their lives. I loved camps - and now I have been the camp director for 2 years (will be again next summer) and I love it. I would say camp is one of my passions because I believe in the change it has for the better in the kids' lives.

In college there were two major experiences away from the campus that shaped me. The first was my time spent in Chattanooga, TN offering ministry in the downtown area for the month of January. I loved learning how to relate to folks that weren't like me. Learning that folks have much harder lives than me was an eye opener. You always read stories, but to hear them first hand from children - about their parents who are out on the streets...doing "street things" - leaving their children at the homes to fend for themselves...small children learning adult things as they struggle to raise their younger siblings. Searching through garbage cans to find food to feed them...hiding under mattresses when gun shots were fired through the windows...etc. Stories that would make anyone shiver. I grew so much in such a short time. I learned what exactly showing Christ's love to someone truly meant. I learned a little bit about judging people without knowing them. I learned how to see through someone else's eyes and learned that maybe the things you see people do is not who they really are...it is survival. Through this I found that I have a passion for learning to love people. Learning to love no matter how rough the edges may be but working to get past what you may see on the outside and truly seeing how I believe Christ sees his children.

The second experience in college was my trip to Peru. I found out that I have a passion for culture and being immersed in it. I was out of my comfort zone probably 90% of the trip. I could barely remember the Spanish I was taught in high school and the culture there is so different. Still I managed to make friends and I managed to learn a lot about their culture. I would LOVE to go back one day and spend time living with a family there. I think my best memory from the whole trip is when we traveled into the mountains to help build chimney stoves with the folks of the village. They spoke Quechua but also knew Spanish and some English. I had just finished helping a family build their stove and the young boy in the family was showing me how to count. He would count in Quechua first and then in Spanish and then in English. I was amazed at someone so young knowing three languages like that! I wished at that moment that I would have studied other languages more and spent my life learning like many in other countries. I would go back to Peru any chance I got and live among the people there. They were all very happy even though as I walked through the villages, I knew instantly that I was in a third world country. I felt horrible bargaining down at the markets for things that were already underpriced. I of course was a poor college student at the time and couldn't afford even underpriced things - but still realized that this is how these folks made their living! It was just incredible! So I believe that traveling and learning about other cultures and the people in them is also a passion of mine.

I have recently discovered a new passion locally. I have spoken about the program before - but Open Table is awesome.  I have been involved since June and have been meeting with our Open Table family weekly. Each week it amazes me. On their website they state what they are:  Open Table is a growing collaboration of people from faith communities, state and local government, business, education and non-profits who are united in a shared purpose of restoring families in poverty to wholeness and full participation in our communities. What gets me every week is that we truly are making a difference in our family's life. The biggest thing I see is that every person on my table yearns to be a support system for this family. We aren't there to  gain something for ourselves - we are there to give ourselves to someone else. I often wonder what it would be like to be on the other side. To be the family in poverty learning to trust the folks there around the table that are helping you. What goes through their minds? Last night we had run their budget and they didn't have enough for gas the next week so everyone through in a little money without hesitation. If I were them - I wouldn't believe my eyes. Most people in our lives wouldn't do the same for us - they probably wouldn't even know we had these struggles. I don't know where I'm going with this - but I do know I am finding my passion in this. I am finding that I want to be involved in making the world a little better for my neighbors. I am finding that my mindset about those living out on the streets and on the side of the road are changing. I find that when I pass someone on the street - I make less and less assumptions about them and instead love them and hope that one day they can find someone to help support them and believe in them enough to get out of their situation. I know that folks make mistakes now that ultimately lead to their downfall - but that doesn't mean they can't learn to change. Anyway - that's all about that I suppose. I keep rambling without getting my true point across. heh

Even with all of these things I listed above - I often feel like I lack passion. I want to be doing what I am passionate about yet don't feel it is realistic. My ultimate goal is to figure out how I can live my life here in Arizona with genuine passion. I want to find the activities that feed those passions and be able to have the time to do them. I don't know exactly what that will look like - but I will keep searching and maybe one day it will find me.

Love.

This past weekend was spent in community with 12 others in a cabin in Pinetop, Arizona. It was absolutely beautiful weather and absolutely beautiful communion. With the current condition of my knee (almost 3 weeks out of surgery for my ACL and meniscus repair), I had a lot of time to sit and view the others as they interacted with one another. If only the love I saw coming from each of them for each other could multiply exponentially to the entire world! I saw people sitting and discussing important issues with one another - not only giving their own opinions, but also actively listening to the other person's thoughts/concerns. We not only grew in knowledge of one another but we formed bonds of trust and love.

Yesterday morning was the final "bible study" which was an extension of the theme started at the bible study Saturday morning. "Love".

Twelve of us sat around picnic tables outside of the cabin - one in the Spirit - and read scripture. The first scripture brought up was 1 John 4:7-12.


"Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he so loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us."

Also stated was Romans 5:6-8.


"You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."


Love is one of the greatest gifts we have been given and as such, we as Christians should be walking pictures of what Christ's love is. Through our discipleship with Christ and our serving of our Brothers and Sisters (not meaning only other Christians...meaning....EVERYONE) we can truly learn to love. Perfect love is not attainable in our current states - I do believe however that it is something we can each work towards and will be achieved in our eternal life through Christ.

To end our bible study yesterday, the teacher had prepared us for taking communion together that we may truly remember the love Christ had for us. Many times we as Christians seem to go about our daily lives and will forget - Christ gave us a way to remember his sacrifice and love for us. The 12 of us (yes just like the 12 disciples) tore off bread and drank from the same glass in remembrance of Christ. If I can take but one ounce of the love and oneness in the Spirit that was felt in those moments out into the world, I believe so many lives could be changed. I pray that God helps me to pass it along to others without judgement, without fear and that somehow even just one person's life could be changed as a result.

In ending - here are lyrics for the day:

THE FACE OF LOVE

by Sanctus Real

I’ve seen your face on stained glass, in colored lights

In pictures of you looking to the sky

You’ve been portrayed a thousand different ways

But my heart can see you better than my eyes

‘Cause it’s love that points the portrait of your life

The face of love

The face of love

You look more like love everyday

I’ve read your words in the pages of your life

And I’ve imagined what you were like

I may not know the shape of your face

But I can feel your heart changing mine

And your love still proves that you’re alive

The face of love

The face of love

You look more like love everyday

You are the face that changed the whole world

No one too lost for your love

No one too low for you to serve

So give us the grace to change the world

No one too lost for me to love

No one too low for me to serve

Let us see....

Let us be your face