Have you ever felt like you weren't free? Like you just want to be done with everything, all obligations, and just run far away and not worry about your "stuff" and their "stuff" and just be. This feeling is crazy overwhelming this morning. I am just so done with "stuff". I know why I volunteer and do so much and be so much to so many people and organizations and work - but some days it just feels like I don't think it is worth it all. I just want to be. I don't want to be relied upon. I just want to go out and love everything and be free from societal obligations. I want to love the person I am and be free to show others what amazing people they are.
I don't know where this feeling has come from. It doesn't feel like the depression of old - when I used to suffer from depression. It feels more like a yearning for newness. A yearning for change - even though that change would be so dramatic that it would uproot me from everything I feel so comfortable with in my life.
Lately I have been very nostalgic as well. Certain smells set it off and send me back into my past. There are always little things that remind me of who I used to be - but lately they have been coming at me like a jack hammer. One after another. I am actually scared of the implications of these feelings. I am scared of the path I might choose...will it be wrong?