I Understand...

I have had this pounding headache and eyes blacking out for a week and a half now and it makes it very hard to function at work. Last week and even Monday of this week I was very sporadic at work and I'm so far behind it isn't even funny.

I understand now how people in pain sometimes feel like just snapping. I have to watch myself around everyone - I just want to walk around and punch people in the face and say snide comments to them and I have to put all of my effort into not doing such things. I have to calm myself and work around that particular situation. It's like something in my brain is making me this way too - I tend to be a decent/semi-nice person most of the time. Right now? Nope. I just want to push everyone away.

I see the eye doctor finally on Friday. I was putting it off but I shouldn't have. I have had this issue in the past - 3 years ago. They diagnosed me but didn't have a "reason" for what I had. It was a series of tests to rule out what did not cause it. I didn't have a brain tumor pressing on my optic nerves. I didn't have built up spinal fluid pressure. I hadn't had recent weight swings. It just happened to me. And it is just happening again and I hate it and I hate the world to be quite honest. I hate feeling this way and I want to be positive but it takes so much energy to be positive. UGH.

Anyway - I have other stuff I would love to blog about - but I really didn't have time to blog this so I definitely don't have time to blog those things. Hopefully soon I can be caught up. For now - I just want to say I miss you all - my blog friends. I miss you a lot. Sorry I've been so distant. I will try to write about camp soon and about other personal life issues I've been working through in my head. Love to you all.