Thursday, June 30, 2011

Dreams coming true!

When I was 5, I used to have a HUGE crush on all of the guys from New Kids on the Block. I remember having their posters all over my wall. I had a NKOTB sweatshirt, slippers, etc. I even dreamed about them - I'd think really hard before going to bed and then I would dream about them at night. I used to hate the fact that everyone else in the world (or I assumed everyone else - I WAS 5) got to go to their concert but I lived in southwest Kansas where we only got country concerts (which worked out for my obsession with Dolly Parton but that's another story). I believe I played my New Kids on the Block cassette tape nonstop every single day whenever I possibly could!

Tonight - I get to go to their concert. FINALLY. Words cannot explain how excited I am. Only thing that could make it better is if they weren't with Backstreet Boys -- if NSync was going to be there instead. NSync was another dream of mine...whenever they have a reunion tour - I'M SO THERE!

Monday, June 27, 2011

Being open...

So I have a new diagnoses that has happened since my last post. Back in 2009 I had a condition called "papilledema" which has now resurfaced. It is one of those conditions where they diagnose you but then you have to go through test after test to see what caused it. Last time - they never found a cause.

This time has been a bit different. The symptoms I have been having are intense POUNDING headaches as well as black outs in my eyes - like they blur and then I get blind spots. I had these symptoms for 2 weeks before I finally broke down and saw the doctor this time. I am busy dealing with being behind at work (due to a week of vacation to direct church camp) and client work backing up due to me being sick the first week back (bad headaches...could barely even function). Luckily I have gotten to a point where I have been able to just deal with the headaches and work through the pain. However, it is so hard to concentrate and I feel client work is suffering - which is never good in today's job market.

I want them to figure out what caused it this time. It is scary knowing that this could ultimately cause blindness and this is the second occurrence and we still have yet to find a cause. We must wait and see. One little snag I am running in to: I must go see a neuro-ophthalmologist to start the waves of tests and "treatments". There are two of these kinds of doctors in the whole state of Arizona and one is not accepting new patients. The other said they could not see me until early August. When I pressed - she said they could "slip me in" on July 20. I don't think I can live with these intense headaches plus blind spots randomly showing up THAT long. It is ridiculous. I called the eye doctor and he was out so hopefully tomorrow I can find out if I can go to a regular neurologist to start the tests.

What are the tests you may ask? Well last time it went like this: 1. Head MRI to determine that there is not a tumor pressing up against the back of the optic nerve. It came out clear back in 2009 so I'm hoping they let me pass on the MRI but I will do it if they think it necessary. 2. Lumbar Puncture - aka: Spinal tap. When this was done last time it came out normal as well - however, they had already started treatment (diamox) which is a diuretic to help bring pressure down. After I had been on the diamox for a couple months my condition just went away. No real reason for me to have the condition - but it just disappeared and I was good. Now that it is back - I believe it may be even more imperative that we move fast to try to figure out what the cause is.

Anyway, I hate using my blog to bitch -but that's my life right now. Behind at work; constant headaches; black-out vision escapades; physical therapy on the knee which isn't feeling much different than it did before this last surgery. I know - I know. Pity party for me. Sorry.

In other news, church camp did go great. If you asked me during church camp I would have said it was awful as there was much drama and a few issues...but now that I have had time to look back at it and see the campers' responses...I believe it achieved what I wanted it to achieve. I accepted the role of camp director for next year as well so if any of you have any great, profound thoughts on what would be a good theme for a jr. high/sr. high church camp - let me know.

That's all for now. I want to end this post so I can head over and read some of your posts that I have fallen so far behind on that is appears impossible to catch up. Especially for the few of you who somehow find time and words to post 2 or 3 posts a day! Holy cow! I have missed reading you all though and look forward to the short time I have tonight to do such a thing. Peace to you all!

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

I Understand...

I have had this pounding headache and eyes blacking out for a week and a half now and it makes it very hard to function at work. Last week and even Monday of this week I was very sporadic at work and I'm so far behind it isn't even funny.

I understand now how people in pain sometimes feel like just snapping. I have to watch myself around everyone - I just want to walk around and punch people in the face and say snide comments to them and I have to put all of my effort into not doing such things. I have to calm myself and work around that particular situation. It's like something in my brain is making me this way too - I tend to be a decent/semi-nice person most of the time. Right now? Nope. I just want to push everyone away.

I see the eye doctor finally on Friday. I was putting it off but I shouldn't have. I have had this issue in the past - 3 years ago. They diagnosed me but didn't have a "reason" for what I had. It was a series of tests to rule out what did not cause it. I didn't have a brain tumor pressing on my optic nerves. I didn't have built up spinal fluid pressure. I hadn't had recent weight swings. It just happened to me. And it is just happening again and I hate it and I hate the world to be quite honest. I hate feeling this way and I want to be positive but it takes so much energy to be positive. UGH.

Anyway - I have other stuff I would love to blog about - but I really didn't have time to blog this so I definitely don't have time to blog those things. Hopefully soon I can be caught up. For now - I just want to say I miss you all - my blog friends. I miss you a lot. Sorry I've been so distant. I will try to write about camp soon and about other personal life issues I've been working through in my head. Love to you all.

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Exciting news (a bit late...)

So I was thinking - I'm SO sorry to my friends (yes I call my blog readers my friends...heh). I really haven't been ignoring you all completely. I just read your blogs through a reader on my phone which doesn't allow me a way to comment. Also, I have been neglecting my own blog. I have not been posting. I come up with blog ideas in my head but then I don't find the time to follow through. Work has been crazy and life outside of work has been crazy this past month. I am writing you right now from a hotel room in Las Cruces, New Mexico - about to head up into the mountains for the week to direct the junior high/senior high church camp that I grew up going to. I am excited and nervous at the same time. I know things will run smoothly but I never feel "ok" until I get there.

ANYWAY, on to the exciting news that I have not shared with you all yet. I paid off my car in May! Two years early even! Back in November I decided to do my own version of Dave Ramsey's program. One of the "baby steps" he talks about is snowballing debt. Paying it down as fast as possible. I have a pretty extensive spreadsheet (because I am an accountant and very nerdy) that shows potential time frame of paying off all debt. I should be able to finish by my 28th birthday I believe. Then all that money will go towards building up 6 months worth of wages (not expenses...I wanted wages) - which will be done by my 29th birthday. And then when I turn 30 I want to take off (may have to quit) my current job and go to Peru for a semester. I will have the money I need to take off and do the program and hopefully spend 6 months down there taking spanish classes and volunteering and traveling all over. Living with a Peruvian family and just immersing myself in the culture. That right there is what keeps me on track and keeps me following my budget and cash flow spreadsheet. I don't know if I've ever felt more excitement about something I've accomplished BEFORE it actually happens than I have with this whole paying off debt. I have soooo much debt it's disgusting - but to say I am debt free BEFORE 30! That's going to be cool. Now of course I will still have my house debt - but at that time I can decide if I want to pay that down early or what as well. I could even rent it out when the time comes and just pay it down double time. We will see - main goal is to pay down car (CHECK - booyah) and now federal and private student loans that are EVIL!

Anyway, I don't want to bore you all with this financial talk. Just wanted to update you. This is the first car I can officially call my own and I love it. Yay for my little Beetle. Now he better last me for a long long time!